I was struck by a mystery illness in 2003 which caused me to be bed-ridden and wheelchair bound. My joints and my whole body was racked with the most intense pain that the strongest painkillers couldn’t minimize. Suicide became an ever more attractive option.
Reading my Bible gave me hope and strength – things I did not have because of my illness. One day I read Psalm 73.26 – ‘My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever’. As I meditated more and more on His Word my outlook, my attitude and my whole life started changing.
Before my illness, I was very judgmental, especially to people who were always dependent on others. I was also a very controlling person – not allowing anyone to help me. I was self-reliant and determined but slowly I began to realize that God wants us to trust in Him and give Him our fears. I discovered that my controlling nature was because I was fearful of the future, fearful of what was uncertain and fearful of being hurt.
As I noticed my attitudes changing I determined I would spend as much time as I could, reading the Bible and praying. And God was faithful, He would speak to me during my devotions, He strengthened me through His Word and he changed my entire character, so much so that my husband jokes that he has been married once but has had 2 wives.
Today I am healed both physically and spiritually. I am a much more gentle, compassionate and kind person. I am still not the person God wants me to be but I know that as I continue reading His Word that He will mold me and change me so that I can reflect His glory more and more.
Today, Jacqui is completely healed of her illness and she is making up for lost time by doing all the things she’s always wanted to do. Daily devotionals have become a habit and they help to keep her relationship with God strong.